I'm deeply bothered that these toys are even on the market.

Look at all these toys the companies are forcing their parents to buy them to gain their love and acceptance! No wonder today's kids are screwed up.

The Game of Life. When you turn it into a board game it only makes it bleaker and more dismal. There's no better way to turn a nine-year-old into a jaded and disenchanted zombie for the rest of his miserable, pointless and fatalistic existence. Youth ruiners!

Katz says she used to play the Game of Life, and she turned out to be much more than alright, but she's one in a million (and we were both brought up in the much saner nineties). Kids of today, steer clear.

WTF is this crap? (See what I did there?) It's not even a toy, it's a miniature replica of a toilet after it gets violated by a man who apparently had Taco Bell and two indigestible eggs for lunch. WTF.

At least the toy industry is doing their share for gender equality. Deconstructing gender roles FTW.